so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
