I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
