Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
