I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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