ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
