It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Found the puke drawer
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
