I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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