you're like a bully in the Christmas story
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
