we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
