I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
