I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
