how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
