so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
