He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
