Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
