i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
