i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
