Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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