Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
