Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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