He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
