I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
