So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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