just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
