Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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