that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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