with your own penis?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
