the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
