If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize