okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
