I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I don't deserve a penis
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
