Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
