bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
