I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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