I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize