just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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