omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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