I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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