What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
