hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
