There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
