Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
You're completely useless in the revolution.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
