She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
