There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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