Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
