Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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