my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
