I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
