I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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