i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
