It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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