Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
