she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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