just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
