ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Jerry, you need to find god
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
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