did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
In America we eat man semen.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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