Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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