How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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