what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
