I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
