someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize