Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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