Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
