take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
