The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
