So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
