You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
