BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
