You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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