writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
