winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
