Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
