She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
