I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
