"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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