You're my little dorito
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
