Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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