i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
i believe in u and ur pee
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
