booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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