You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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