Pregnant stripper...not hot.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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