How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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