It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize