I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize