i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
