No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize